I don’t think I’m alone in saying COVID-19 has brought on a roller coaster of emotions. All around the world people are suffering and if not from the virus itself, definitely as a result of its ripple effects. Millions have lost work and ultimately their income. Some living alone are facing severe depression being isolated from family and friends. Many can’t easily find or afford the groceries they need in order to feed themselves or their family. And then there are others losing businesses they’ve dreamed and worked for their entire lives. Individuals quarantined with abusers. Families struggling to manage kids at home that would normally be in school. On top of it all, people are literally fighting for their lives. And still the list goes on. Maybe you’re one of those people.
Just last week my heart felt incredibly heavy. My husband had just been let go of from his part-time job. My business, which is our primary income, slowed significantly. At the same time, I was working harder while making less and still trying to balance being a work-at-home Mom, a stay-at-home Mom and a homeschool teacher (something I am not especially good at). During all of this we were also informed our infant son has a medical issue which is not only labeled “severe” but is going to cost a few thousand dollars and our health insurance won’t be covering any of it.
I have been working through my emotions and relying on a whole lot of worship music, reading, prayer and podcasts in order to do it. Everything I’m learning from God right now is telling me to embrace my feelings and stop pretending like everything is fine for the sake of others. So, I’m here. Still believing His promises. Still believing in miracles. But still scared and that’s okay.
I say all of that to say, I hear you.
There is no spectrum to suffering. Our suffering is individualized and should not be compared to others. So while it is true, you may be healthy, have a family, still have a roof over your head or groceries in the fridge, suffering is so much more than just what is portrayed on the nightly news. Maybe you’re scared. Maybe you’re worried. Maybe you’re anxious. Your feelings are valid and should be treated as such.
I stopped giving “normal” responses just to make other people feel comfortable. I won’t do it anymore. I’m also much more conscious of who I reach out to for prayer or wisdom because what I noticed was that although many people mean-well, they’re not willing to disrupt their comfortability to truly listen and give genuine feedback. Instead, the responses are often cliche phrases like, “it’ll all work out” or “God will provide”. Yes, those things are 100% true but they are not always helpful to hear and offer no validation to the person grieving or suffering. Phrases like that often make the person hearing it feel ashamed and guilty for feeling any sort of suffering at all. Like their suffering isn’t worthy of someone’s time.
More often than not, people just need to be heard. They need to know they’re not alone. Most people aren’t even looking for a fix or your help. They need, as Glennon Doyle said in her recent Instagram video, to be Sistered. The concept comes from the craft of carpentry and involves framing weak joists with additional materials in order to strengthen them. In other words, sometimes what people really need are individuals to come alongside them and support them in their weakness. Let them know their voices are being heard and their suffering matters. Often, the offering of our time bears greater significance than anything else we could ever give.
So, if you’re one of those people, reach out to me.
I’d love to sister you.
I promise not to fix you.
I won’t tell you it’ll be fine or everything will work out.
I’ll tell you I hear you and what you’re feeling is valid.
You are loved exactly as you are.
“Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2
